Teacher-y?

First of all, I'd just like to say that I'm still running on California time. Probably due to the fact that I didn't get up until 11:00 today.

Took my first final today. It was alright. I got really bad anxiety and I completely couldn't remember the name of a kid in the book that I'm using as my unit plan, and I also could not remember for the life of me what canonical literature was (which had 3 questions). So, we'll see.

I finally felt like I was starting to become teacher-y (is that a word?) today. I had an intelligent conversation with a fellow student about our unit plans and I feel like I am finally beginning to understand what it's going to feel like to actually be teaching. I can't wait!!

Lame post I know. But literally all that is happening in my life right now is school. Boo..

Stressed beyond belief

Ok, so I already missed a day. So sue me.

Here's the thing. At some point yesterday, I thought "I need to write a blog for today!" and then promptly forgot.

However, here's the even better thing. I finished a 12 page paper yesterday. That is a big accomplishment right now. I started yesterday researching and developing my topic at about 11:00am. Then, I wrote 12 pages of hardcore research and analysis. And finished at about 4:00am this morning. Oh there were trips to Bread Co and Starbucks during that time, but I spent time at each of those places working on my paper.

And I'm so glad it's over.

The next week and a half will probably kill me, or at least close to it. Tomorrow I have my first final (a week early). Thursday I have a paper due. Next monday I have one final, Tuesday I have a 6 week unit plan due, and wednesday I have 2 finals. These alone might kill me. Seriously.

I'm so nervous about my class participation grades. It is so difficult for me to attend classes in which I don't learn anything and the teachers are bitches. That said, 2 of my classes I haven't be to much this semester and I think my professors are pissed at me. Here's what I say, "I am only in your class because I have to be as part of my minor- which I am only getting because I have to as part of my major." See, I don't even want to be there to begin with! I know how to read outloud! I know how to listen!

So tonight, I am working on homework. As I will be for the next week. Wish me luck...

Living on California time for now....

Man my life is incredibly boring. Also, my sleep schedule is so off.

I worked this morning. They are putting new tile in the childcare room.

Then I took a 5.5 hour "nap".

After that I woke up and have been working on my 10 page research paper and finding new music.

I have 21 artists that I want to buy.

If you have more suggestions for artists, let me know.

A little late, but it's still Thursday in California!

I didn't do much today. Woke up, went to work. Came home for 2 hours, went back to work. Luckily we didn't have any children tonight. That's because it was the first night we've been open on friday nights this season.

Let me back up. I work in the drop-in childcare room at the YMCA in town (actually at both cuz we have 2). We aren't open friday nights normally, but we add that extra time December through February because it is cold out and it's nice to have a place to go on friday nights.

So tonight was the first friday night we were open and no one ever remembers that we're open.

I'm ok with that.

I got a lot of homework done. Well, first of all I finished addressing and writing all of my christmas cards. Then I started work on my homework.

I am currently writing a 6 week lesson plan discussing the books "Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson, and "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian" by Alexie Sherman. I've never written a unit plan before and I'm really excited about this pairing of books. They both chronicle the 9th grade year of a student, one boy and one girl. They each have their own problems they are trying to work through but in the end, they learn to overcome their circumstances. I'm just really excited to get to work with these books with students. I feel like they can learn so much. And they're good books too!

So I guess that's what I did today. I got excited about teaching.

"It's the final countdown!!!"

1 year.

12 months.

This is all I have left in my college career...

...and senioritis is setting in BAD.

I get this way everytime I get to the end of something, and I can't decide why it happens. I don't want to give up. I mean, I can finally see the end of the long road that has taken me to this point. Why would I want to quit now?

Sometimes I feel like I have so many more destructive thoughts in my head than I realize. I know there are underlying issues that I'm not really aware of that make me the way I am. Just once, I'd like to accomplish something and be able to be proud of it.

one year.

12 months.

I can do this.

Open minded?

Tonight was a crazy night in class. I had a group presentation in my multicultural education class over social class and how it affects education.

Wait, hold on. Let me start from the beginning.

We've been having these presentations for about 5 weeks now over debatable hot topics in education (sexuality, gender, religion, etc) and everyone has been pretty good about stating their opinion and listening to others.

EXCEPT this one guy.
We'll call him Bryan.
Because that is his name.

Bryan is from Jamaica. And even though he is living in the U.S., going to school in the U.S., and plans to stay in the U.S., he thinks Americans are awful and talks about how much better Jamaica is every chance he gets. Not only that, he has a thing against women and also identifies himself as a "strong black man". Everything that comes out of his mouth has to do with the fact that he is African America (Jamaican) and a man.

So anyway, tonight we walk into the room and he asks one of my partners if she has lived in the midwest her entire life. She says yes and he responds by saying, yea I can tell because you are so close-minded. Now, here's the thing. My group is the most open-minded group in the entire class. We have no idea where he is coming from and why he decided to tell "K" this right before we give our presentation. Needless to say, "K" is really offended by what has happened and is practically crying before we even begin our presentation.

So, we begin and things are going well. Our topic is not too controversial, so we think we're in the clear. Until we get to the second to last speaker. At this point, Bryan feels the need to voice his opinion about how "this is how it is in America, because there is not a social class issue in schools in any other country in the world". ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Then he continues to tell us how we are completely wrong and how he and his brother got all A's in their studies even though his parents worked all the time.

That's not what we're saying dude!

So at one point Bryan is completely not listening to what the presenter is saying and finally the only male in the group speaks up and tells him to listen to what she is saying. After this, Bryan starts freaking out about what is going on I thought a fight was going to break out at this point.

After the presentation, Bryan has the nerve to come up to our male group member and tell him to never speak to him like that again because he is a man from Jamaica and deserves more respect. At this point, my groupmate is ready to punch Bryan and we manage to calm him down. Then, just as class is almost ready to end, Bryan addresses him again on the same issue, but in front of the entire class this time. The rest of my group and I decided we would walk our fellow group member out of the building because we feared that he would start a fight.

It was intense.

I have never been so angry at someone in my life for being so close-minded. The worst part is that he never listens to anything anyone else is saying and he truly believes that everyone else in the world is wrong. I just don't understand how he is going to stay in America and be that angry about what is going on in America. Also, I have no idea how he is going to be a teacher. I fear for any child that is forced to have him as a teacher.

I have Hope....

The title of this blog covers many of today's events.

First, it's World AIDS Day today. It makes me think about all I have accomplished to help with this cause in the past year and a half, and how much more is still to be done. I did multiple things today to help out, though that isn't really the point. The most important thing today was getting the message out there. That's the point. Making people think about what is going on. And doing something about it. If you are reading this and you're not involved already, check out www.takethewalk.net or www.bloodwatermission.com

Second, on a completely lighter note, I met with my professor today to discuss my final unit plan assignment. She loved my ideas for it and I'm so excited!! After so many weeks of doubting myself and not feeling ready to teach, I finally feel comfortable with my ideas and what I want to do with my classroom! I am pairing Laurie Halse Anderson's "Speak" with Sherman Alexie's "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian" to teach ninth graders. It's going to be so exciting. Now I just have to get it done.

As I find myself coming to the end of the semester, I find myself procrastinating less and less but at the same time, I am super extra busy and can't always seem to find time to do the things I need to do.

On that note, I am heading to do homework now. First official post for #bedd done!

Here goes nothing...

I was recently inspired by someone I "know" to partake in #bedd (blog every day december). So, this is my introduction. The plan for this blog was basically to blog everyday, however that has fallen by the wayside. It was also a way for me to journal about my adventures on tour this fall.

That didn't happen either.

So here's to a new beginning. I hope to still update about my adventures this fall roaming around the country, but I also just want to get some things off my chest. So, here goes.

Every year, I want so badly to enjoy the holidays. I always hear people's stories about how they enjoy their family, sit around and drink hot cocoa, and chat it up with everyone during the holidays. I never quite feel this kind of excitement. My holidays consist of seeing family members I don't care for and being watched every second by my mother who continually tells me what I shouldn't be eating. All in all, I generally have a bad time. I've thought over the years that maybe it was my attitude, but I really tried this Thanksgiving to have a good time. It didn't happen. I can't quite figure out what is wrong with my holiday cheeriness. I'll have to work on it for Christmas.

Different Perspectives

Tomorrow I face a panel of 4 professors and 2 high school teachers that will tell me how badly I suck at writing and inherently decide whether I can continue on my path to be a high school English teacher. Great.

As I am now looking over the pieces I turned into the panel 24 days ago, I find myself wondering "what was I thinking?" Why did I choose to write these papers this way? I could have taken a completely different spin on them, yet I chose this point of view. Will it be enough? Do they have faith that through the next 2 semesters I will be ready to teach high schoolers? I find myself second guessing at every turn.

On another note, today was productive and unproductive at the same time. I actually read the reading assigned for class today. And I designed the poster for our group project in another of my classes (which I have to say was amazingly cute), but at the same time, I feel as though I accomplished nothing.

I still have so much to do before I leave for Tulsa on Tuesday evening. I have to shop, pack, work work work, decide what I'm wearing and bringing to sign, etc, and get all of my homework done! People keep asking me about missing class for tour and how I can do it, but really I'm only missing 3 days of class. And only 1 class period for all of the classes I am missing except 1. Not bad for going to nine shows. Also, this is a chance of a lifetime that this semester worked out the way it did. I don't know if it will ever happen again. And if this is the only time it happens, I want to make it a good one.

I haven't decided what I am bringing to my meet and greet yet. I kind of want it to be something I can put up on my wall but I thought about bringing my walk book. Any suggestions?

What am I waiting for?

Sometimes I feel as though I am waiting for someone to come and take over my life- to tell me what to do and show me the path to be on.

I'm not sure how long I've been waiting for this person, but I guarantee he is not coming.

Today I woke up late. I was supposed to be at work at 8:00, but woke up at 8:11. Nice. So I called my boss and she was very understanding. The kids were awful today, however and I had a lot of homework to finish up before I was off work and headed to class. Once I left work, I ended up late to class.

Late. Again. Story of my life.

If someone gave me a penny for everytime I was late to something, I would be rich and he would need to be a very wealthy man.

So I went to class, procrastinated, went to another class, came home, and procrastinated some more. Something about school right now just does not motivate me. I am so ready to be done and out of here. I think once you reach your seventh year of college, you just can't wait to be done already.

Oh. And one more thing. I received a meet & greet today to meet my favorite band of all time next friday night in Kansas City. Can't wait.