.....

So I don't know if you've noticed but I haven't blogged since Friday. Sorry. Life got in the way.

I feel like I have a lot to tell you but I really have to go to bed.

My life sucks.

No one gets it.

I'm totally depressed.


I quit.

exciting news!!

forgot to blog yesterday :(

I got an email from my advisor last night that had a forwarded message from a high school principal in need of a long term english substitute teacher. She thought of my name first when he asked her for recommendations. It would be a minimum of 6 weeks, 30 minutes southwest of where I currently reside. I emailed him back and said that timing is crucial because I am moving 2.5 hours north on sunday to my hometown. I found someone that is willing to house me while I work there that lives in Edwardsville, so that is good. I just really want this to work out!!

I'll for sure keep you updated :)

Huh?

I don't feel like there's much to say. Subbed today. My kids missed me. I try not to think about it. I may not see them again.

Ice tonight. I couldn't get from the Y to my car. It sucked. Packing tomorrow til work 3-10. Fun, right?

Finally- a big girl job!

Ok, so I didn't actually get a teaching job yet, but my first day of substitute teaching is tomorrow! I will be teaching for my CT which means I'll have all the same classes I've had and the same students. It will be great to see them again! I was so giddy when they called me. I can't wait to see my kids again!

Another day another...day....

Today I packed. I packed a bunch of stuff and sorted through a bunch of stuff.

Oh yea. And I got my teaching certificate.

That's right ladies and gentleman, I am now an official teacher!!!! With no job...

I had to register my certificate online. ($50- thank you mom) and then run down to the ROE (regional office of education for those non-teachers out there) and get fingerprinted. After that, it was already 3:30. I drove to the district office only to find out they close at 4:30 and the human resource lady had left at noon since there was no school. (It was 4:10 by then- I took a detour to the wrong office) So I left all my junk there and hopefully everything turned out okay. I'm waiting for a call about subbing Wednesday (though I haven't heard from my CT even though I texted her today).

Tonight I went to Walmart and got some boxes so I can continue packing tomorrow. I'm hoping to get most of it done tomorrow so I only have the little things (toothbrush, contacts, etc) to pack on Sunday, as well as my furniture.

I guess that's it for now. I'll post pics of my new packing piles tomorrow :) Hopefully after I move I'll have more important things to blog about :)

oooo whatcha say.....

I feel like my blogs have kind of been fluff lately, but I'm not quite sure what to blog about. I never think I have anything exciting to say. Do you have this problem too?

I went to work today in the blizzard- it amazes me how people still come to the Y to work out when the roads are so bad. Apparently it's really important to them. Anyway, work was boring as usual.

After work I went to what I thought was going to be a presentation about this girl's time teaching in South Korea. Instead it turned out to be a jewelry party. Weird, right? My aunt told me to ask the girl questions about her trip but I didn't come prepared to ask questions- I thought she was just going to give us information. Also, I loved a lot of the jewelry (made in Uganda) but I have no money so I couldn't even buy anything. Lamesauce.

My work meeting was canceled because of the snow so instead I came home and starting cleaning and packing. I did 2 loads of laundry, 2 loads of dishes in the dishwasher, shoveled, took the trash out, cleaned out 3 bags of trash from my room, cleared out my stuff from the attic, started sorting things to keep and throw away, and started bring stuff downstairs. This is what I've gotten downstairs so far:

It may not seem like a lot- but it is. Most of it is kitchen stuff for now. My goal for tomorrow is to get my clothes packed, the rest of my stuff from my desk, and start packing my bookshelves after I get boxes from walmart. I really feel like I'm doing a great job of packing- not trying to sound conceited.

So tomorrow I'm working on that and also heading to turn in my paperwork to substitute teach which should be fun. Time for bed so I can get up and be productive.

babysitting

Tonight is my last time babysitting one of my favorite families. I'm so excited to see them again because I haven't seen them all semester, but I'm super sad to leave them.

hanging out

so I got to hang out with some really awesome people today. We went to dinner at this awesome pizza place and then to borders (english majors!) and best buy to spend my gift card. unfortunately they were sold out of charlie st cloud so I opted for pride & prejudice and eclipse.

This morning I went to meetings about teaching and substituting before January 1st. In case you don't know, Illinois is changing their teacher-retirement plan as of January 1st. We will get less benefits and have to work longer. But. If we can sub one hour before January 1st, we can be under the old retirement. So our school has been fighting to give us a chance to sub. Thankfully, my school is going to be able to process my teaching certificate on monday and I will be able to teach next week. Should be fun. However, it's going to be a lot of money in the next week and a lot of stress for monday.

Talked to a doctor today during my physical and he basically told me I need to lose weight or I will die before I'm 30. I feel it too. I don't feel good at all and I am physically exhausted all the time. I know what I need to do- it's just getting it done.

Last day of student teaching

This was my entry for my class today. It was directed to future student teachers. I felt like it was appropriate for my post today:




My advice would be: don't be afraid to ask questions. In the beginning, my CT had given me a lot of information about the curriculum so when I asked her questions I felt like I was bothering her. Now I wish I would have asked more. I wish I would have known how much my students could handle, how hard I should push them, extra information about them, what I should be covering/ what I needed to get through this semester.

Planning was a very important aspect of being able to stay on top of things. I planned early because I had the whole summer to plan. My CT gave me a copy of the curriculum over the summer and I planned a whole unit plan for one of my preps over the summer. The main thing to remember is to not get worried if things get pushed back or moved around. I ended up cutting a bunch of activities because my unit took almost 2 weeks more than I had anticipated. You never know how things are going to go once you actually start teaching.

Remember that your students are people too. I had a unique experience because all of the class I taught were "co-teach" which at my school means I had all the students with IEPs, students that had failed English before, and "the failure kids". I had to keep reminding myself that my students were not dumb, they simply had extremely difficult lives. I think sometimes it's difficult to remember that sometimes students do actually need help and are not simply trying to get out of an assignment. Though it may be more difficult for you, your students will really appreciate it in the end. Some of my students that said they will miss me the most are the students that other teachers deemed "worthless".

Try to remember how high school students think, read, act, etc. Remember that they will not interpret a text the same way you will. You might have to lead them along a little bit. Don't be surprised if students open up to you about their private lives.

Make sure you know everything about the assignment you're teaching in case the students ask questions. Make "cheat sheets" with facts about the topic- just in case. (Especially if it's Emily Dickinson :) )

Talk to everyone. Go to the lunchroom during lunch (even though they may not talk about everything you want to hear or you may not know what they are talking about). I bonded with a lot of other teachers during our lunch period. Most of the teachers in our "pod" (a group of 8 classrooms) and the teachers I ate lunch with said they would recommend me to the principal for the position that is open next year. It's great to have contacts with people. I also visited other classrooms to watch teachers teach and learned a lot from each of them. Later, I was able to ask questions of the other teachers as well.

Have fun. Do your best. Ask questions. Enjoy your time- it goes by quickly.




Today I had a bunch of students ask me not to leave. I also had students ask me why our co-teacher couldn't leave and I stay. They wanted me to write them letters before I left and they all wrote me messages on a scrapbook page. I miss them already. I never imagined how attached I would become to all of my students, but I really did get attached. Though some of them were extremely frustrating, I really cared for all of them and they really gave me a great semester and a lifetime of memories.

One more day...

Tired.

Sore.

Bed.

LAST DAY TOMORROW!!!

I. Am. Tired.

I don't want to spend a whole blog complaining (which is often what I feel I'm doing) but there are just some things I've been thinking about today.

1. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired all the time because of the amount of energy it takes for me to get around. I weigh a lot and at this point, I have let myself go so much that it is difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning.

2. On that note, I'm tired of being overweight. I don't want to die. I have so much to offer, but I won't be able to do any of it if I keep going at the rate I am now. I constantly think about doing something about it, but can never make the commitment or start the program. I have all the motivation in the world but I just can't do it.

3. I'm tired of people trying to tell me what I should do now that I'm graduating. Everyone has an opinion. As much as I don't want to live with my parents, it will save me a ton of money, and I will not get stuck there. I hate living with my parents and I would never choose to live with them if I didn't absolutely have to.

4. I'm tired of being alone. Enough said.

5. I'm tired of losing friends.

6. I'm tired of not living up to my potential, both in life and in faith.

7. I'm tired of letting down my savior.

8. I'm tired of dealing with bitches. Especially bitchy roommates.

That's all I can think of for now. Thanks Lo for reminding me to blog. :)

One day missed....

So I forgot to blog yesterday. Even after I reminded myself. Sue me.

Yesterday I worked, then went to banquet for BSM. It was fun. I won a $25 gift card to best buy. I dunno what I'm gonna buy yet.

This morning I worked and then went to the Gathering Christmas party at church. It was fun.

I've begun to realize recently how much I have been looking for acceptance, especially among boys, in completely the wrong way. It makes me scared to go home and not have the kind of religious support that I've had here at school.

Back home I have attended the same church my whole life, which makes me feel guilty if I think about changing churches. It's not that I don't love my church-- it's that the youngest person above me is like 40. And there are only 3 other people around my age at all. I just don't feel like my church has anything to offer me. I think that's why I don't like the minister that is at our church now either. Most of his sermons have to do with older people and issues that come with aging. I need to know how to deal with problems a 25 year old faces.

I wanted to write more. But I really need to go to bed.

Peace out girl scout.

One year ago today...

I was just looking at my old posts and saw one from exactly a year ago today that talked about how I had one year left of school. Now I am two weeks away from graduation and I can't believe it!

I'm so ready to graduate.

Zip-a-dee-do-dah....

Today has been weird.

I haven't felt too well lately. And today is no exception.

I keep feeling nauseous. I think it's because of all the stress I have about finding a job, figuring out what I'm doing with my life, etc etc.

I'm gonna curl up in bed and watch a movie so I can get up in the morning to go to work.

Michelle and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

So last night I was trying to update my phone. In the middle of loading all of my junk back onto it, my computer froze and I lost everything from my phone. :-( I stayed up until 4am trying to fix it. Didn't work.


Then I forgot that I had to re-set my alarms. So I woke up at 8:30 (school starts at 7:55) and didn't feel well at all. I haven't been sleeping well since I went to my parents and it's making my back hurt->head hurt->nausea. Great. Then I realize I can't even call or text my CT to let her know because I lost her phone number! When I get my computer to email her, the cable and internet are out. So... I have to set up my email on my phone again so I can email her to tell her I won't be at school. SERIOUSLY?!?!

After that, I fall back asleep until about 1:00. I get up and finish putting my portfolio together since it is due at 4:00. Shower, etc etc, turn in my portfolio, head to the Y for work. When I get home, I have an email from someone at the Y asking if I quit because people are saying I did. Interesting since I put in my notice a week and a half ago, only because I am moving home to save money. They can think whatever they want to think I guess.

Talked to Laura tonight. She's having issues with her parents. I never thought she should have come back to work for her parents because I know how much stress it causes on her. Her mom basically wants her to work 70 hours a week and not get paid anymore. NOT COOL.

I just want to be done. I hate this transition period where I'm just waiting to graduate and waiting to move home. I wish I could just skip the next 2 weeks and be done.

Sorry this is so depressing. It's been that kind of a day. Hoping tomorrow is better.

It's BEDD time again...

So here I am attempting BEDD again. Whether you like it or not, I'm counting this as my December 1 post, simply because I have not gone to bed yet. Today was insane. And I'm really tired. But my iphone messed up thanks to itunes, so I'm waiting for it to restore. Sounds fun, right?

relationships

So I haven't posted in almost a month. And I epically failed at #bedd. Not for lack of caring, but mostly because I never felt like anything happened. Anything of significance at least.

I finished classes and took my finals. Got my grades. Not as good as I wanted but not bad.

Christmas came and went. There were presents and church services and food.

I worked. A lot.

I got a new job at the YMCA working front desk. (And I like it so much better than in childcare)

I spent new years hanging out with the coolest 9, 4, and 3 year old family I know.

Worked a lot more.

Which brings me to now.

I've never really thought about it before, but I've never really had real relationships with people. I'm not just talking about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships either. I mean, relationships of any kind. You know how people always say, "I have a best friend and I can tell her absolutely everything" ? Well, I've never had that. Not even with my parents.

Recently I've discovered how much of a secretive person I am. I don't like to tell people how it really is. I like to give off an impression of myself and allow people to believe whatever they want to believe about me. I like to pretend that I'm compltely perfect when in all actuality, I am not. Not even close.

Now I don't even mean that I think I'm a perfect person that does everything right. I mean, I pretend to be the perfect person that each individual wants me to be. If you want me to be bossy, I can be bossy. If you want me to be a sweet church girl, I can do that too. Somewhere along the way, I forgot to realize who I actually am, and started becoming who everyone else wanted me to be.

I recently started talking to a guy I met online in a message board. We seemed to have a lot in common and really hit it off. I can't tell you the extent of our conversations but we both feel very connected to one another. It's like we were meant to meet. We have a lot of the same beliefs and interests. And I feel like I could tell him anything (not everything though- don't worry). It's so strange to finally feel like I can tell someone exactly how I am feeling at any moment and not be judged for it. It's very liberating.

The worst part about all this is that I have no way to know when he will be around because he teaches and has other obligations as well. I feel like it is always by chance that we are online at the same time. So right now it's a lot of waiting around.

Which brings me to the realization of another reason I don't date much. I don't have time to just be waiting around for him to be available. I have other things I need to be doing. Be in a relationship (of any kind) is hard work. And most days I just don't have time for it.

I don't really know what this means. But I needed to get it off my chest. Welcome to it.